Thursday, 21 August 2014

I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head when you don’t even understand it yourself.

Singing Taylor Swift alone with my cat, what happened.

I just wanna go on more adventures. Be around good energy. Connect with people. Learn new things. Grow.

The problem with depression is:
-You know you’ll be ok, but you still feel awful.
-You know people love you, but it doesn’t feel like they do.
-You know doing something will make you feel better, but you just don’t know how to.
-You want to be well, but you just can’t seem to get there.

One of the things with me right now is that I work so much and spend so much time travelling when finally get home after the walk, bus, shift, walk, bus, walk is that I'm mentally and physically exhausted. All of the time. It's easy for everything else in my life to crumble around me because i can't cope with everything. How can you be the best girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend when you barely have time to take breath and let go? Some days i feel like a robot, a shadow of myself and even though i am trying it seems impossible to change anything. Why? Because a change of career means experience in other fields, which even though I am a quick learner you need experience to get anything these days and to gain that experience is ridiculous apparently, despite any talents. I don't know what comes next. I actually really love my company, my role and working within a customer related environment. The staff and people, yet the travel and standing around all day kills me. It's painful seeing everyone in Thailand or Australia and everywhere else on the globe and I'm stuck in my own personal hell everyday. I wish i could break these barriers, yet money always comes and slaps me around, rent bills and everything else make it impossible to dream. Lord give me hope. Advice welcome. Sorry to have negative posts, just at the moment whatever nice photos I take or inspirational photos keeps being knocked by this. 

One Week.

There is some sunshine behind the clouds.

Saturday, 16 August 2014

"When you find your self a villain in the story you have written then it’s plain to see, that sometimes the best intentions are in need of redemption, would you agree?"
My favorite line in any song ever. From the band Death Cab for Cutie

$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $

I'm forever blowing the pennies I have in my pocket on silly things that I really don't need. This month i've decided to go back to the "want, need, buy, read" philosophy of consumerism. The creativity aspect of my mind is totally lacking motivation at the moment so i'm trying to push myself to do more projects. Firstly, a little happiness project in photos of these fourteen days I have to try and get a little better. Secondly. painting my bedroom furniture, reupholstering chairs and creating a "family tree" wall in our living room. Thirdly, sew sew sew. Sometimes in life you have to take a few steps back to walk forward again, never forget who you are.

Want: A cute pile of sparkling new Liberty Floral Fabrics 
(as seen below.)
Need: Cath Kidston's "Circus" wallpaper for decorating.
Wear: Smock Dresses & a new Checkered Shirt.
ReadMiddlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides