Week 48.

I was always an unusual girl. My mother told me I had a chameleon soul,no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and wavering as the ocean. And if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I'd be lying. BecauseI was born to be the other woman. Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone. Who had nothing, who wanted everything. With a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that box dazzled and dizzied me.

Freedom.

The days are long whilst the nights fly by. Your mind is on fast forward memories rushing through your brain like a camera flash on high shutter speed. Pouring alcohol down your neck until your body rejects it, you thought you were free. An unstoppable force, you didn't belong because you didn't want to. The laughter, constant rainbow of lights flashing whilst all you can remember is flash backs of flesh, passion and power. Shutting the world out because who really deserves a glimpse of nirvana? It becomes months of sunshine, slowly turning into years of rain. Then comes the tornado, ripping apart everything you could ever dream to love, but you liked it. The smashing of glass, screams of pain, ripping apart cities and whoever stood in their path. The beauty that lies behind nature, perfection of destruction is to rebuild. Forget everything and start again. They found a cave made from Quartz, light bounced from wall to wall glistening from the reflection of the sun. No one belonged here, only us. The sea howled whilst boats came crashing upon the waves. searching for paradise. Many tried to enter our world smashing the surface with axes of all origin yet they cannot succeed. It was never about strength, lust, greed or passion. Inside was a complex magic of innocence, a connection that spun two souls into something money cannot buy. Freedom.

You got that medicine I need,
Fame, Liquor, Love give it to me slowly.
Put your hands on my waist, do it softly,
Me and God, we don't get along so now I sing.

No one's gonna take my soul away,
I'm living like Jim Morrison.
Headed towards a fucked up holiday,
Motel sprees sprees and I'm singing.
'Fuck yeah give it to me this is heaven, what I truly
Want' it's innocence lost.

Love the one you hold.

Sometimes your whole world becomes twisted, the road ahead is never straight forward and you have to walk through all of the shit and mud to finally arrive at a beautiful place. At the moment I feel like that is exactly my path. Life always expects "to take the next step" in every chapter of your life and sometimes it's not that way at all. Appreciate what you have today & see the beauty of it.

Deep thoughts, a hundred tears, a thousand worries.

I'm being happy for me, because it's good for my heath.

Au revoir!